I grew up in a house where you had to boil a water pail to take a shower on a gas flame. If I had to wash my long hair, I had to co-ordinate with my mom/sister to bring in the next batch of hot water half way through the shower. Today I live in an apartment in West Hollywood that has automatic heated water every time I turn on the shower. I can let it run 24 hours and take a shower as long as I like. This is a luxury for me.

What you perceive as a luxury will be based on your early life experiences. If you give a million dollars to a million different people, they will seek to attain different types of luxury. For some, it might be buying a house, for another it might be opening a café, for someone else it might be getting a car or ability to save for their child’s education. In a culture of consumerism where everyone is selling you a “luxury”, huge marketing dollars are being payed on programming you what should be a luxury for you – most likely the item they are selling. The word luxury also has been synonymously associated with a hefty price tag. It’s almost marketed as highly sought out items, so hard to attain, only for the few, limited editions – which brings me to Elitism.

Elitism to me is a nicer version for discrimination i.e. you are being treated differently than someone else. No one likes to be discriminated, but who doesn’t welcome a special treatment or an exception or a little favor here and there. If you have ever been on the receiving end of negative discrimination where your innate worth or value was diminished or disadvantaged, you will know this feeling. Majority of people are starting to awaken and question the multi-generational effects of this. There is a structural breakdown happening on the premise of reducing hateful discrimination, but we can’t get there without acknowledging that we all enjoy having special privilege. There is an inflation of the self that happens when you feel you are elite – i.e. better than others. There is nothing wrong with that feeling, it’s actually healthy and promotes greater chance of your success in whatever you do. In many ways healthy competition fosters for mass improvement and progress. It is necessary to build self-esteem and sense of confidence.

But how and why we get to that feeling is important to discuss. Is the intent to feel elite all the time? Is it bothersome when you don’t feel elite? Do you only feel elite when someone else is deprived of what you have? Do you feel elite when you invoke jealousy in others? Is there underlying anxiety that pops up when you are not feeling elite? How you respond to an elite treatment is a fabulous indicator. When you respond to elite treatment with pride, it can be hinting towards a cover up for underlying fear or insecurity. Ever hear someone bragging their accomplishments as opposed to someone else recognizing their work. Reacting with pride is different than feeling proud of your accomplishments. When you respond to elite treatment with gratitude you are coming from a place of fullness and adding on top of that. You are also more willing to respond from humility and willing to share your elite benefits with others. You might even inspire others greatly to do better.

In my own life, I had to take a hard look at if I am seeking some goals because I am looking for luxury or covering up my underlying insecurities, fears, lack of self-belief with a band aid of perceived elitism especially in deflated times. Besides the hot water showers, lol, I also feel it is a luxury for me to have healthy loving relationships, a car, not one but two dogs, to learn new things, ability to say no, voice my needs and wants clearly, communication skills, be reciprocated with love, not be judged by the looks of my body. I also grew up in an environment where there was a lot of noise, so having peace and solitude is quite a luxury for me to write about stuff like this 🙂

Your soul will inevitably seek the deprivations and limitations from your childhood experiences, this plays a big part in what you consider a luxury unconsciously and consciously. Anything truly luxurious has to without doubt bring you inner fulfillment and trigger a sense of deep gratitude. If you believe in destiny, your life was planned precisely with just the missing parts as a child that you will go looking for as an adult to bring you luxuriously fulfilling experiences.

Let’s get to the both part –  drumroll for aha moment…

If you are really truly living your luxuries, aren’t you already feeling special and blessed? You are vibrating I have more than enough as luxury transcends necessity and beyond bare minimum. You are automatically in a space of non-comparison i.e. fertile ground for joy. You can still have ambitious vocational goals, material desires (I have a black Bentley SUV on my vision board) but know why you are seeking it– what’s the intent behind it. If the intent is flawed, even after manifestation it won’t feel like luxury. Like Marie Kondo says, does it spark joy? Be brutally honest about your response to having what you seek as a luxury – pride or gratitude?

A helpful practice for me is to catch myself in the thought when I visualize having what I feel is a luxury – am I reacting with a sense of pride or response of gratitude – this will determine the manifestation and more important the sustainability of it. Pride statements are usually of the sorts, ‘Then they will see my worth’, ‘I want to prove the world what I can do’, ‘they never appreciated me’. Gratitude responses are of the sorts, ‘Yeah, that would be so nice to have’, ‘I can share it with so and so’, ‘I am looking forward to how the universe brings forth these blessings’.

Here are couple statements that I remind to immunize myself from fatality of pride and to continue to stay humble. “The highest power thought is, I’m just like everybody else”, by Marianne Williamson and the following excerpt from Marshall Rosenberg’s Non Violent Communication tools- 

“Just like me this person experiences pain, sadness and fear.

Just like me this person experiences love, joy and excitement.

Just like me this person is doing everything they can do meet their needs.

It’s not about my needs being met at another’s expense but also not about other’s needs being met at my expense.”

Take some time, sit down and really clarify what is a luxury for you?

Some questions to get you started…

What was I deprived of growing up? 

What area have I always felt limited about?

Am I seeking this to fill the emptiness of that deprivation?

What does luxury mean for me – how does it reflect mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually? 

Do I always associate luxury with a certain price tag? 

How do I think having this luxury in my life fulfill me? 

Do I consider luxury only when I am being treated differently and favored?

Is it at the expense of being inconsiderate and hurtful to others?

Go in your heart space, you will find truth and luxurious answers there. I welcome you to share with me what you find your true luxury is  – connect@soffeah.com

With Love,

Soffeah